Would you like to see the White Wine List or the Red Wine List

DELBERT'S MONTHLY WINE COLUMN

I was walking down the street in Ladysmith, minding my own business, wondering if a big glass of cabernet, a really large one, would be an appropriate medication for Sarah Palin, when I passed an alley.

“Hey Buddy,” came a gravely voice from down the alley. An old guy in a 3 Vets overcoat was slumped against the wall, sitting on a stack of Take 5’s and drinking from a bottle in the proverbial brown paper bag. He looked me in the eye and jerked his head like he was jigging for cod. First time I’ve ever felt like a cod. I did as beckoned and walked down the alley.

“Name’s Gord,” he said. “You the guy who writes the wine column?”

“Guilty as charged.”

“You sure the hell don’t write much about wine,” he said, handing me the bottle.

I pulled down the fancy brown wrapping. Holy smokes! A decent Chianti. Be unappreciative not to take a pull. “Boring topic,” I said. “How much ‘hint of blackberries, overtones of liquorish, backdrop of coffee’ can a man take?

“Good point,” he said. “But do an old guy a favour. My investment portfolio’s going South faster than McCain’s chances of getting that goofy broad elected. I need some cheap but flavourful substitutes for what I’m drinking.”

“You mean a $13 wine that drinks like a $20 wine.”

“Hell no. A $6 wine that drinks like $20.”

“For that you need a higher power. I don’t do divine intervention.”

“Well do the best you can,” he said in a voice that could have been used for grinding rocks.” And one more thing,” he said, standing up but barely. “Deliver these Take 5’s will ya.”

I left the alley with a stack of Take 5’s in one hand and the thought I’d been had in the other. But at least I had a few cheap options for Gord. The first is Ruffino Orvieto, $13.99, #31062.This Orvieto has just a hint of sweetness and is the perfect aperitif or lunch wine. Simple but synergistic, it brings more pleasure than the price would suggest.

And it also reminds me of lunch in Victoria with Gina, Ruffino’s North American sales rep. A small group of us were washing down linguine with 1990 Rufino Gold Label Chianti, trying all the while to look cool in the presence of the Italian babe with the lovely accent who just so happened to ride a very large BMW motorcycle. Momma Mia!

Things were going well for the home team when one of the guys, while awkwardly twirling his linguine around a spoon, made a classic courtroom error. He asked a question to which he didn’t know the answer. “Do Italians use a spoon to eat pasta?” He asked.

“Only the children,” the lovely Gina cooed. “And those who can’t use a knife and fork.”

It was like magic, how quickly that spoon disappeared.

But back to Gord’s problem, affordable hooch. For this we slide over to Spain for the delightful and enlightening Volcanto Syrah, $13.99, #582494. I say enlightening because it reminds me of top tier B.C. syrahs. A mini blind tasting of Volcanto vs. two highly regarded B.C. wines resulted in pretty much a tie. Until you factor in the price, the local wines are a budget shattering $35.00. Ouch!

An even lesser expensive solution to Gord’s problem comes from Chile, the Cono Sur Viognier, $10.95, #566836. Like the Orvieto, this is a light, flavourful, easy sipping white, equally as enjoyable in a back alley or a more formal setting. For some reason this wine has a bicycle on the label, which is a bit of a puzzle since the bottle is simply too fat to fit in my bicycle’s water bottle cage.

To recommend this last wine I have to eat some crow, or maybe I should say frog. I’m not a fan of animal labels; give me a shabby old castle any day, but the French wine, Arrogant Frog Ribet Red is an exceptionally tasty, classic cabernet merlot blend, $13.99, #384628. And yes it will go with pasta. Just keep the spoon to yourself.